A New Normal

It’s been hard for me to find the motivation after having a baby, to care about my appearance. It may sound a bit grim of me to say such things, because women should be floating on air, in cloud-nine, feeling like their life is complete, and feeling indifferent and even bad about the way I look doesn’t agree with those things. But in the midst of all the changes(the lack of sleep, a new body that suddenly seems foreign, weak and powerful all at the same time, breastfeeding, worrying that despite all the motherly instincts, I’m doing it all wrong) thinking about putting on makeup, doing my hair or picking out an outfit felt like a chore. Getting ready now usually includes Wesley jumping in the bathroom doorway in his jumperoo, while I shower (minus washing my hair, because that’s just way too much of a commitment in the morning these days) throw on some foundation and mascara, and put on black skinny jeans and a long cardigan. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. I used to love getting ready for the day, but now it’s just a race. 

But there is hope. I’m starting to feel more normal again. My body is back to its usual size, Wes is growing into a toddler way too fast, and I’m starting to feel like I have a little more time for myself. It’s refreshing to feel motivated again. I’ve even started feeling the itch to start running again. I’ve only ran a handful of times since Wes was born, the desire just wasn’t there, and it wasn’t my top priority. I drove around our neighborhood the other day while Wes slept. Slowing, winding down the quite streets I used to run on my long-distance-days, I remember the crisp air racing through my lungs, the crunch of fresh snow beneath my feet, and the closeness I felt to God, and I longed to be out there on the road.

I’m not sure the point I’m trying to make here. Maybe, that we won’t always have the same priorities all the time, and that’s ok. We need to cut ourselves a break and live where we are in the moment. I may not run 10 miles on Saturday mornings anymore, but I am up at 6 a.m. most days, and I definitely couldn’t have said that 2 years ago. My outfits used to be picked out and my hair and makeup nicely done, but I’m definitely way more efficient and productive now than I’ve ever been, even if my hair isn’t brushed, or my outfit “on fleek”.  Life is a continual making of a “new normal” and we need to embrace it.  I’m certain as soon as I get used to this moment in time and start to feel comfortable, it will all change again….

Christmas Bajamas

 It’s Wes’s first Christmas, and while he could care less, I’m pretty excited. I’ve seen this reoccurring idea circulating around the internet where on Christmas Eve you let your kids open one gift that contains Christmas pajamas, a movie, popcorn and candy. They wear the pajamas, watch the movie and have the popcorn and candy for the movie. Wes is still too young for the movie and food, but who doesn’t love some Christmas pajamas. I know I did as a kid. I only received one set of Christmas pajamas from my grandma when I was 7 or 8, and I loved them. It was a set of red and plaid pajama pants and a matching long sleeve top, clearly made from NON-fire retardant fabric. In fact, I think they probably came with a warning on them that said they could be used as fire starter…but I loved them all the same.


Little side story about those pajamas. After I got them my mom, being the great mom she is, sent me to go write a thank you letter to my grandma. I started,


“ Dear Grandma, Thank you so much for the Christmas pjs…”


I stopped. I couldn’t remember, was it Pajamas or Bajamas? Remember, I was only about 7. I thought about it for a moment, and then decided, it must but be Bajamas. I carefully added another loop, changing my P to a B.

It wasn’t until a few years later, after I had learned how to spell pajamas, that I remembered this letter to grandma. Realizing I had spelled it incorrectly, even years later, I was so embarrassed. Fast-forward many, many years later, I recalled this moment again, and laughed out loud, realizing I had written, “Thank you so much for the Christmas bjs,” to my Grandma. I’m sure she got a kick out of it at the time.  



But back to Wes. I want to make traditions for him, I want to things to feel special, not because of all the presents he may or may not get, but because of the memories we’ve made with him during Christmas, and because of the hope the Christmas story brings. I can’t wait to make every memory with him. I can’t wait for him to open his pajamas and to explain to him why we celebrate Christmas, to tell him the real story and to have him feel the magic I felt when I learned about how God sent his only son for us, that he came to us as a baby that night in Bethlehem, and that the angels announced his arrival in the sky to the shepherds.



This Christmas I think he’ll like the wrapping paper most, but he will be opening Christmas pajamas this Christmas Eve even so, even if the magical feeling is just for me.

What I’ve been up to

So, what have I been up to since September? A lot actually! The last time I posted on here my bump was barley there… and to think I felt so huge at the time. There is SO much to think about for a first baby that I didn’t expect. I planned for the medical bills but not for all the little things, and so, my mind has been extremely preoccupied. So here are a few things I’ve been filling my days with.

 

1. We found out we are having a BOY and we picked a name!

2. I immediately started sewing baby clothes!

 

3. I decided early on in my pregnancy to cloth diaper, and researching and building a diaper stash has been a long process. I bought some, I made some, I watched youtube videos, I made YouTube videos…. It’s been fun.

4. I documented the bump progress.

  

 

 I’m currently at 37 weeks, about to pop and eating everything in sight. I’m not even sorry.  Seriously, I ate a big piece of cake today, like 6 cookies(i stopped counting), a couple handfuls of animal crackers(and lets be real, their just cookies that someone named crackers). It wasn't my best day to say the least. 

 

This baby is welcome to arrive anytime soon. Maybe my next post will have a new face to share with you all:)

Some Pressing Questions and Dressing the Bump

Of course I would choose the summer that crop tops and high waisted shorts are back in to get pregnant. I had a bunch of both just waiting for warm weather; I don’t know what I was thinking. Above photo was in the spring, wearing two crops I made from my sisters amazing fabric Emily Sanford Designs. They all sat dormant in my closet, poor things. And next year, I’m sure I’ll be faced with, ”Can a mother wear high waisted shorts? Have I crossed over the hill of fashion?” … Questions…I’ll deal with that when it comes.

In the meantime I have more pressing matters, like:

-When do I know the appropriate time to call in the towel and buy larger underwear, will I know that my hinder is bigger, or will it be so gradual that I’ll be suffering through day long
wedgies unnecessarily?

-How am I going to fit in a coat this winter?

-Will my boobs ever stop growing, bras are expensive? (please God, let them stop)

- Can I avoid pregnancy nose (you know what I’m talking about) and will I know if I get it?
(please don’t tell me if I do)

- Can I start a “gofundme” to pay for all this stuff a baby apparently needs? (Did you know they have a sleeping mat that tells you your baby is still breathing!!!! Why would my baby not be breathing? Now I’m scared)

-Is it possible to be addicted to YouTube video reviews on baby products? I hope not!

- Am I crazy for wanting to use cloth diapers? Seriously though! I’ve been researching them like an addict but I need feedback.

-Can dogs get depression? Because I think Oliver may become depressed after this child is born and I’ll need dog therapist references.

So many more pressing questions but there are a few

So, instead of Crop tops, here are a few outfits I’ve worn lately to compliment the bump.

Pregnancy Thoughts: 16 weeks

 

I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant which means I’m still in that in-between stage where I either have a food baby, a really impressive beer gut or maaaaybe I’m pregnant. It’s been a little awkward but I’m starting to feel like it’s more pregnant belly than beer belly. I feel huge but I am kindly reminded daily that I am not. I’ll gladly believe them because I know as soon as I am actually huge, people will have no problem telling how HUUUGE i am, and that I must be about to POP!

Here are a few things I’ve learned during my pregnancy so far:

1. The internet is a great thing! There have been so many questions about pains, worries, changes and most of them have been answered on the web.
2. If you are feeling any odd symptom, most likely it is pregnancy related, and completely normal. I had no idea so many weird changes would take place, many which seem completely unrelated to being pregnant, but they do and they are.
3. I am, in fact, not eating for two, as many times as people tell me I am. It’s more like eating for one and 1/6 of a person.
4. Everyone will tell you their old wives tales about how to predict the sex of the baby, one including your ass getting huge and your face blowing up=girl, or you carrying small =boy. The whole time I’m wondering who would dare predict a girl, and how could such smart people buy into such crap.
5. You will hear everyone’s delivery stories including their mother’s and their friend’s, friend's cousin who she knew from summer camp. Most of these will be terrifying and end at how close they were to dying.(Thanks for the pep talk!)
6. People will assume you must end all physical activity while pregnant, to only lounge around the house in very comfy maternity yoga pants. But for the record: Running during pregnancy is perfectly healthy and SAFE for the baby and Mother and YES I can and WILL continue to run….Now, I dare you go ask an Obese pregnant women if she plans on changing her diet while pregnant, and if she says “no” proclaim… “Is that SAFE?” yeah, I didn’t think so…
7. People really do want to touch your growing belly. So far, because I’m smaller and rando strangers wouldn’t dare assume I’m pregnant, only people I know have touched/rubbed it, and I actually don’t mind. I know they do it because they care and are interested in my pregnancy and as long as I know them well, I don’t mind… Although, ask me again in a few months and I may not be so understanding.

Summer Project

I have been completely MIA from the blog since July, but I was working on something pretty important…

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, that is giant photo of my uterus….and a baby. This baby literally sucked all the life out of me for a good couple months. I’m pretty sure if anyone saw me in those weeks they would attest that my eyes were always only half open at all times….I was exhausted. At one point, before she knew I was pregnant, my mom was so concerned about my demeanor that she actually asked me if I was depressed about something. I’m glad that part is over.

 

 

When Andrew and I decided to embark on this adventure to parenthood we had no idea it would start so quickly, but we are so excited. I’ve heard good things about this parenting thing, that it’s the hardest but also the most amazing thing ever.

 

 

I am in my 15^th week and just starting to really look pregnant. In a few more weeks we will find out the sex and then I think it will seem so much more real, and I can start sewing some cute baby clothes.

 

 

What a miracle this is, having this little soul growing inside me.

 

 

I will try to start blogging and sewing again now that my energy has returned, and I’ll keep you all update to date on my pregnancy, as I can tell already there will be many stories to share.

Greyhound Getaway

I traveled long distance for the first time by myself. I know, I’m 27 and apparently live under a rock. I took a Greyhound to NYC to visit my Sister. I pretty much did a,”Hey! You moved in last weekend! Hope you’re settled because I’m coming to town” move. I wouldn’t say sitting next to a stranger for 7 hours was my ideal way to travel, you inevitably learn the others sleeping habits(heavy breather), and was tempted to offer him a mint. But the bus got me there in a reasonable amount of time and it was really quite painless.

Emily and Clara showed me all the great parks near them which Clara has given very official names, such as “The Turtle Park”, “The Hippo Park” and “The Dinosaur Park”

We ate fruit.

And Em and Clara played while I laid and relaxed.

We went to the Museum.

We walked through their adorable neighborhood in the sun…

And the rain.

On the Fourth of July We sat down near the Hudson. We didn’t see many fireworks but it was beautifully peaceful.

Then we said goodbye.

It was such a great trip hanging out, seeing their favorite daily spots and exploring the city with my sister.

See You In The City

     This is my sister, my best friend, my confidant. As sister relationships go, ours has been pretty great. We went through our early, close years, found easily in childhood, drifting apart for those few awkward years when I was still a child in her eyes, while she, a thriving teen. But we ultimately found our way back to each other in high school, and even more so in college years. We have lived close and far and close again a few times, but mostly, we have been blessed to live near each other for the majority. We are crazy similar, minus her curly blonde beautiful locks. We think the same, our conversations are easy, we talk about mostly everything and sometimes nothing. There is no better friend than a sister; it is a friendship that can not be duplicated.

    

 

 

 

My sister and her family are moving tomorrow to New York City, no longer a short car ride away. It makes me sad, and yet I am so excited for her new adventure. It reminds me of a conversation we had when we were young. I was still very much a child at the time but I could see that Emily was on that precipice between childhood and adolescence, and I was afraid to lose her to something different and unknown. I started to cry as we sat on the swings and told her that I was afraid of her growing up because she would no longer want to play with me. I think she laughed at me a little and then said that that would never happen because we were sisters. It’s such a funny memory now, and yet it's such a great example of sister friendships. The truth is, we did naturally drift apart for a few years, but, we’re sisters, and we ended up eventually only growing closer the older we got. I thank god for her and her family. I’m thankful and excited for their new adventure…. and a free place in the city to stay and visit. I know eventually, we will find our way back to each other, whether it be just for holiday’s, or a short visit, or even a quick phone call. I love you Em!

Happy Birthday Clara Girl: Handmade Fabric Doll

 

 My sweet little niece Clara turned 3 a few weeks ago. She is one of the most charismatic, friendly, loving children I know. Sometimes I wonder how she got so silly, and then I look at the way me and my sister interact, and it all makes sense.

I wanted to get her something special for her birthday but couldn’t figure out what to buy. Nothing in the store excited me, but then I saw this Fabric Doll Tutorial on Pinterst and thought they were so cute. I made mine to be a “Clara Doll”, with a matching dress that I had made Clara and a shirt I made my sister.

I had most of the materials needed already except for a few odds and ends. I just printed out the doll pattern and followed the directions. It was easy and so fun to make. By easy I mean there were lots of small parts, details and corners to sew and it took longer than I expected, but it was still really fun and you need minimal sewing skills. I think if I make more they would take much less time.

They look so cute:)