It’s been hard for me to find the motivation after having a baby, to care about my appearance. It may sound a bit grim of me to say such things, because women should be floating on air, in cloud-nine, feeling like their life is complete, and feeling indifferent and even bad about the way I look doesn’t agree with those things. But in the midst of all the changes(the lack of sleep, a new body that suddenly seems foreign, weak and powerful all at the same time, breastfeeding, worrying that despite all the motherly instincts, I’m doing it all wrong) thinking about putting on makeup, doing my hair or picking out an outfit felt like a chore. Getting ready now usually includes Wesley jumping in the bathroom doorway in his jumperoo, while I shower (minus washing my hair, because that’s just way too much of a commitment in the morning these days) throw on some foundation and mascara, and put on black skinny jeans and a long cardigan. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. I used to love getting ready for the day, but now it’s just a race.
But there is hope. I’m starting to feel more normal again. My body is back to its usual size, Wes is growing into a toddler way too fast, and I’m starting to feel like I have a little more time for myself. It’s refreshing to feel motivated again. I’ve even started feeling the itch to start running again. I’ve only ran a handful of times since Wes was born, the desire just wasn’t there, and it wasn’t my top priority. I drove around our neighborhood the other day while Wes slept. Slowing, winding down the quite streets I used to run on my long-distance-days, I remember the crisp air racing through my lungs, the crunch of fresh snow beneath my feet, and the closeness I felt to God, and I longed to be out there on the road.
I’m not sure the point I’m trying to make here. Maybe, that we won’t always have the same priorities all the time, and that’s ok. We need to cut ourselves a break and live where we are in the moment. I may not run 10 miles on Saturday mornings anymore, but I am up at 6 a.m. most days, and I definitely couldn’t have said that 2 years ago. My outfits used to be picked out and my hair and makeup nicely done, but I’m definitely way more efficient and productive now than I’ve ever been, even if my hair isn’t brushed, or my outfit “on fleek”. Life is a continual making of a “new normal” and we need to embrace it. I’m certain as soon as I get used to this moment in time and start to feel comfortable, it will all change again….
